When in Rome, do cocaine. Or maybe just imagine that you are doing lines like a young Hunter S. Thompson while slamming away on your typewriter creating a master piece of modern literature, but instead, you only drink too much coffee and way too much beer with no pants and shirt on. There are no parents, no roommates, no lovers quarrels about why you couldn’t afford and don’t want cable. Your current book is the only thing calling your name, and you have a pile of dirty dishes in your sink without anyone to judge you. The room vaguely smells like Tombstone Pizza, because it’s been your dietary staple for a few weeks now, and your digestive system is thinking of jumping ship!

Is there any reason to change? Nay! Well, of course there are scientifically proven ways to facilitate healthy living and those people probably have a good point. If they only knew what it was like to finally be out on your own they might under stand the fuck it mentality here. There is a grocery store around the corner, delivery people at your beckon call and the goddamn internet! You are a modern quasi-young person and you understand the facts of existence at least enough to take technology seriously. How important is modern convenience if it isn’t fully utilized to its convenient potential?

You swear to Christ that whoever makes that magical pizza loads it down with unicorn meat and salt from the Clovis meteor. The aroma of cheap pizza lingers in air and you walk around in it, wearing your poor cooking skills like a badge. Your confidence remains intact because, despite, your poor dietary habits, your sex life is in full swing – sex is better and more frequent in this place. There is no hush hush, only bang bang. Who doesn’t love the sound of a neighbors headboard pounding against the wall? You put out a better effort during coitus and as a rent paying tenant you’re allowed to fuck wherever you damn well please. Maybe the kitchen counter today? Just remember you’re the one who has to cut vegetables on that thing, so choose her space wisely.

You have the exuberance of a proud peacock that has been stagnant for years – probably since the days of young manhood, before those awkward teenage years. A burst of life is running through you at all hours and you are starting to do things you really enjoy for the first time in your life. For example you can march around naked as Adam in the garden, free-balling it and running the some private fetish show like a Sultan in his castle. And while you are privately streaking through your house you can work on business ideas and the novel you have been putting off for 4 years. All has come to fruition! But why now? Haven’t you been the same person for years? Maybe that was the problem.

Ah, but now you are starting to see: this is your first apartment – your bachelor pad or tour de force, of sorts. And by “sorts” I mean you don’t really party that much anymore, so its fair to say this is your adult dwelling or something lame like that, but you get the drift.

A weight has been lifted from you and your strange-late-20’s-self. That receding hairline isn’t as crippling as it was when you lived in your parent’s basement. You like to say you don’t have an issue with either one of those curious facts, but you do, or I should say, you did! Oh, but now your on your own two feet; albeit poor and with different priorities, but that in and of itself is bringing happiness straight into the blood stream, and your age doesn’t rub you the wrong way so much, anymore, and it feels glorious!

You are part of a generation of people that have cool parents. The “Millenials”. So many of your piers have had a hard time finding a real job and still are. Perhaps they are doddling like you did, and it’s OK. Future generations will have different characteristics. For as long as these people are staying with their parents they are also creating some amazing technologies and innovating like never before. Sure you used the economic hardships as a bit of a crutch but that didn’t make those money troubles any less real. All you were doing was just taking your time! You basically left when you couldn’t take the guilt-ridden by underlying fears anymore! And, don’t worry, we can address those underlying fears on another day, but now is the time to celebrate! Pinata’s, margaritas, make love in the dark, hooray!

Given the right to be cliché by the first amendment, I want to tell you that the world is your oyster! I know you are enjoying the cool feel of the chair against your bare ass! You deserve it as you are developing an app on your Ipad a new phone app. Eat that damn Tombstone with pride and sip on the nectar of the gods. And whatever panic you may feel with your rent coming just know there is always low income housing and Mom and Dad’s basement.

Nonetheless, I think you’ll be alright.

*Rides pony off into the sunset, naked (of course) and flips the bird to all those who judge.* #rentcanbelate